For those of you who consider yourself a hopeless case when it comes to flirting, let’s just get this out front and center: flirting is an easily attainable skill that anyone can possess if they want to. While it might take a little more practice for some than for others, it is absolutely possible for you to learn, at any age, how to flirt with the best of them.
What Is Flirting?
Flirting is a whole range of activity that isn’t always easily definable, and yet, we usually recognize it when we’re in the middle of it. It can be as relaxed as a comfortable chat with a stranger, or directly sexual, as when one tries to pick up a date.
If you’re looking for a more literal definition, the Oxford American Dictionaries Desktop Widget defines flirting as this:
“Behav[ing] as though attracted to, or trying to attract someone but for amusement rather than with serious intentions.”
Expert Flirting Tip No.1
Forget competition, those who are the most entrancing when they flirt, aren’t the ones who are trying to turn every comment into a conquest. Instead, they’re the ones who are truly enjoying themselves.
There is nothing more attractive than a woman taking delight in her surroundings. Think about that person in your life who, no matter what they look like, can attract anyone in the room. More often than not, it has nothing to do with looks, but everything to do with how personable they are. They take enjoyment out of engaging with everyone, and that enjoyment is contagious.
Expert Flirting Tip No.2
If you’re not comfortable with flirting just yet, then make it a goal to simply practice. Don’t worry about trying to “score a date” or do anything else but have a good time.
Practicing flirting can take a lot of pressure off that you might otherwise put on yourself. Pressure can be self-defeating, giving you the appearance of desperation. People can sense it when you’re constantly telling yourself that if you don’t score a date or meet that spectacular person, that you’ll be a colossal failure. Which brings us to the next point.
Expert Flirting Tip No.3
Stop caring so much about the outcome. Admittedly, this is a hard one to do, but it’s crucial to achieving maximum pleasure out of flirting – both for yourself, and for others. Think about it for a moment.
What do people most often say as soon as they are in a relationship? That the moment they step foot in a relationship, all those exciting, single, available people they could scarcely find before are now everywhere. So what causes this phenomenon?
Someone in a relationship doesn’t have anything to prove, and doesn’t care what happens at the end of the night. When they approach others, even if not directly intending to flirt, they are more relaxed and able to let their personality shine through.
Expert Flirting Tip No.4
Have confidence in yourself. Confidence is sexy, and capable, and projects a good sense of humor. You don’t have to be the prettiest girl in the room; you simply need to know that you are, without a doubt, someone worthy of interacting with.
Expert Flirting Tip No.5
If you approach someone and it falls flat don’t let it get to you. Even the best of us flirts hit snags. What separates us from others is our ability to simply let it go and move on. A failed attempt doesn’t mean that you are unworthy, not fun, cute, or a boring stick-in-the-mud. It simply means you two didn’t connect. So turn around and find someone else to connect with instead.
But what if it’s the other way around, and instead of being rejected you’re being pursued by someone you’re not that interested in flirting with? First off, give them a fair chance before dismissing them. If they don’t meet your expectations right off the bat, there may be something else attractive about them. But if you’re genuinely just not interested, then respectfully let them know. Be gentle, but firm and direct. If they continue to press the matter, repeat yourself once. After that, if they still won’t let it go, then simply excuse yourself and move on.
While it may feel like a gutsy and bold move, protecting yourself from unwanted attention is more important, and you should never, no matter what others might say, feel bad about that. You are under no obligation to do anything you aren’t comfortable with.
Most people will respectfully leave you alone when you ask, but if you find yourself dealing with an obstinate person, signal your friends for help, or, if worst comes to worst, politely ask a bouncer or other establishment personnel to help you out.
Expert Flirting Tip No.6
Body language is important when it comes to flirting. Sitting around with both legs and arms crossed, gives off a definite stop sign to other people. The goal is to be open and approachable, so your body should mimic that.
Multiple studies done on women who were engaged in flirting, have shown that we tend to use some very specific moves when flirting – whether we realize it or not.
- Preening is probably the most used move. Running your fingers through your hair, moving your hair from one shoulder to the next, all work towards exposing the soft skin around your neck and shoulders. This gives off the impression that you are approachable.
- Calling attention to your lips is another unmistakably flirty piece of body language. Licking your lips, or eating a piece of food very slowly, with immense pleasure, will garner a lot of attention. A lot.
- Eye contact is crucial. Let your eyes linger while flirting. This will amp up the tension and heat.
- Lastly, crossing or uncrossing legs slowly, while leisurely stroking your thighs will also send an unmistakable, “I’m flirting with you” signal.
In the end, flirting is an activity anyone can do. All you need is a little confidence, mixed with some practice, and an understanding of what your body is saying to others. Approach others by being personable and if it simply goes nowhere, then drop it and move on. Most importantly, enjoy yourself and others.
